It’s fixed.

I thought I’d broken it, but apparently it really did need the whole three days to resolve.



Bad day?

I had one of those days where it seemed like everyone thought I was having a bad day except me.

I mean…maybe they weren’t wrong. When I got home I basically just lay down and went to bed for a couple hours. I was exhausted.

Nothing especially was wrong, though. Not more than usual. Maybe just a little bit of mental and emotional exhaustion.


Delete Day

Today is one of those days where I feel like I need to delete everything.

  • blog
  • youtube channels
  • facebook
  • twitter


I’m not good at any of the creative things, I hate facebook, and I never get on twit any longer.

I realize this is just a bad mental health day, but that doesn’t make it any easier to keep from deleting things.

The 215 blog posts aren’t enough. (The reason I keep starting these things again after deleting them is because I love the idea of having a really long streak of such things.) The 41 videos on the new channel and the 56 videos/75 subscribers on the old channel aren’t enough. (I don’t know why I started a YouTube channel, by the way. I’m not first, best, or different, just boring.) The fact that FB is the only way some people communicate isn’t enough.

I get it in my head to delete these things and I feel better, free, for a bit less than a hot second. Maybe a week or so. Then I think, wow, why did I do that? I could totally keep things going, I have so much to talk about!

Even though I know those days are just around the corner, still. Maybe talking about it will help. Maybe switching to a different format will help. (I’m very tempted at the moment to move everything to, domain included.)

The moral of this story is: see this boring, pointless content? This is what is in the pipeline! This is the kind of crap I put out! Nobody reads this save two or three friends. What in the ever-lovin’-heck is the point?


It sucks to always feel like you’re wrong, and it sucks worse to know that feeling and fearing that you’re wrong is also, most definitely wrong.

me, always

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash


I love that wherever I go, I startle people. Even though I’m tall and fat. They don’t hear me coming, or don’t see me waiting, or don’t realize I’ve walked into a room. It is one of my favorite parts of my life.

me, after startling 10lbs off a coworker


most precious kitteh
additional shot of most precious kitteh

Don’t tell the other cats I have a favorite. Isn’t this guy so damn photogenic?

Ideal Inspiration Blogger Award

Eh, thanks. Heh. 😉

My fellow bloggers and friends Jayden and Richard over at J R Vincente nominated me for an award. And my friend Jayden, behind the scenes, gave me permission to kind of trod on this however I please, so this is what I shall do.

Rules for the Award (for anyone who wants to follow the rules)

  1. Thank the person who has nominated you and provide a link back to their blog. ✔
  2. Answer their questions. ✔
  3. Nominate up to 9 other bloggers and ask them 5 new questions. ✘
  4. Notify the nominees through their blog by visiting and commenting on their blog. ✘
  5. List the rules and display the “Ideal Inspiration Blogger Award” logo. ✔
Nicki’s Rule Additions
  1. If you are accepting the award from my blog, please comment so I can go check out your post.
  2. If you don’t like my questions, pick new ones.
  3. Include the original rules from the award so anyone seeing your award can follow it as it was intended.
  4. And here we go! (must be said in a Super Mario 64 accent)

Jayden and Richard’s Questions (and my answers)

1. How much do you like to snuggle?

First, I encourage anyone finding this to fill out Jayden and Richard’s survey.

My current affection for snuggling is non-existent. Please: no hugs, no snuggles. No touches at all, if possible. I want hugs from my children, and that’s it.

In the story that’s currently swimming through my head, though, cuddles are the only acceptable intimate activity. For what it’s worth.

2. What’s your favorite place to go on Vacation?

I don’t go on vacations. I used to love going to Disney World though, and I suppose if I could afford one of the nice on-site resorts, I’d enjoy going there again. I also really enjoyed going to Prague, Czech Republic, as that is where my people are from.

3. What is your favorite kink that you haven’t blogged about? (If you aren’t comfortable sharing your kinks, then share your favorite hobby you haven’t blogged about.)

Y’all don’t get to know my kinks, or if there are any. Not sorry. 😉

Um, hobbies…I play a lot of video games, I used to read a lot, I used to write, I watch a lot of TV and movies on my phone, but I don’t think I have hobbies right now. Real life in the past 18 months has kicked my ass, as it has everyone’s, and it’s gotten in the way of enjoying anything. I think I’m lucky I’m not a full blown alcoholic at this point.

4. Do you think Jayden should go for her Doctorate? (Or, do you see a value in getting a Doctorate?)

I see value in furthering your education if that’s what you want to do, so yes. I think Jayden should go for her doctorate. Personally I flunked out of college on my way to some 4-year degree and I currently go through life with only an Associate’s Degree. I say “only” because at this point I would like to go and get a 4-year degree at some point myself. Not for a job, but just so I can say I have. This is in no way intended to minimize anyone else’s 4-year degree in any way.

5. What do you hate most about blogging?

I don’t hate blogging. I rather loathe reading blogs on Blogspot, or Blogger, or whatever that service is called now, because trying to comment on them is absolutely impossible for me. But otherwise, I rather enjoy it.

What frustrates me most about blogging is the use of categories and tags, and how I generally don’t understand how that works with SEO. In fact, SEO is probably the thing that frustrates me most about social media and YouTube in general.

By the way – please don’t try to explain it. I rather understand the definition, but I’m shit at application and execution.

My questions

  1. What do you want to talk about that you feel like no one wants to listen to? Because I’ll listen.
  2. What piece of news isn’t being talked about enough?
  3. What practice or behavior would you like to get back from 2019 (pre-pandemic)?
  4. What behavior or practice do you most appreciate that you developed in 2020-21 (during the pandemic)?
  5. Do you have a TikTok or YouTube account you’d like to promote (yours or someone else’s)?
  6. Bonus question! Do you think blog awards are meaningful? Honest answers only! If you’re going to BS your way through your answer, skip it. KTHXBAI!

My nominees

I nominate everyone and anyone who reads this and wants to participate. The people I would nominate have already been nominated, or aren’t regular bloggers, and that’s fine. If you’ve run across this, and you’re interested, I have nominated you.

Previous award winners

J R Vincente, Erotica writer

Kinky With A Twist, Kink, Life, and Disability Blogger

The Wheelchair Teen, My life as a black, disabled teenager

Hard Lines, Heavy Times, and Handblocks

Divine-Royalty, Welcome to Life-Changing Motivation

Journey In His Word, “God’s Word Is Timeless, Let it Be Your Guide”

Ideal Inspiration, We Love Inspiration (Award originator)

Interesting to note!

Rising Star from Ideal Inspiration was the creator of this award, as far as I can tell. On this particular thread of the award, it only took two steps for the award credit to change, and one more after that for the credit to disappear entirely. Also, the creator of the award didn’t link his nominees, just named them. Huh!


I get nearly constant reminders that I am interruptible, that what I have to say isn’t as important as the more popular person approaching my group, that I am unimportant.

me with my unsurprising low self-esteem


I don’t know much but I do know two things: you don’t owe anyone sex for any reason; and I am never right and my feelings are never valid.


I don’t see the problem here.

A therapist that doesn’t treat me but whom I need to work with so they can treat someone else told me today that they’re going to look for a therapist for me because I’m apparently not supposed to like being isolated and be happy in my wonderful, comforting rut of a life.

Me, clinging to my isolation, because it’s fucking fine, I swear.