Riding the Ride

I renamed my blog. Maybe you noticed, maybe you didn’t.

Shit, that reminds me I should forward the old domain over here. BRB.

Okay, now that I’ve renamed my blog and made it possible for anyone who knew about the old URL, I can go into my story.

My word of the year for 2021 is


(always to be written in some kind of fancy way to encourage a singsong delivery when reading or speaking the word).

And with ≋m≋o≋d≋e≋r≋a≋t≋i≋o≋n≋ as my word of the year, I’ve noticed something neat.

But it’s hard to explain. So please forgive me if I’m all over the place.

I have, in the past, tried to Go Big on everything I attempt. For example, in 2017 I started independently publishing under a pen name. I wrote a lot, and I wrote it fast, and I published it just as quickly. I was doing really well, writing series that continue to sell to this day, and that are the stories that continue to bring in a few bucks every month.

Aaand I burned out.

I started a YouTube channel in 2020. I was running out of content, and so I decided to create my own. I was putting up 2-3 videos a week at one point, being consistent, and building an audience.

And I burned out.

I’ve taken up walking daily, and walked myself into foot pain, and ruined my motivation.

I’ve started blogs I later delete. I’ve started writing books I can’t finish. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I. Keep. Burning. Out.

So I picked up m̳͒o̰̲͆ͣͪ̚ͅd͙̝̺̲̫͗ͣͦͦẻ̱͔̬̗̺̲̗̫͐̅ͪr̖̙̘̙̱̭̹̖̟̭ͤ̑͊ͨa̖̮̝̺̝̜̝̜͕͍̙̥̘̐ť̟͎͎͔͕͉̰̟̗̹̾ͮ̾i͎̩͔̰̱̠͙͓͒͛̅̚o͈̲̜̪̠ͩ̍̈̎n̻̲̟̈́̒ͯ̏ as my word of the year in an attempt to, well, moderate my activities.

For example – stop trying to go all-in on everything. Film one video a week. Be okay writing 1,000 or 500 words a day. Allow myself to only blog every few days, or even to ignore the blog all together.

Which is kind of what happened, but not really.

What has actually started to happen is that when I feel my attention shift and I’m no longer recording a video and posting it every few days, when I don’t have any more ideas, and suddenly all I want to do are watch movies, I’m letting it happen. When I feel like journaling online, I’m doing it, and when my attention shifts and I forget for a few days, I stop trying to remember to get it done daily.

When I feel like writing four blog posts in a day when I haven’t posted for a good six weeks, I do it. When I get sick of it and don’t have any more ideas, I’m going to let it go.

I’ve been doing some low content publishing on KDP, and I was very enthusiastic for about two weeks. Signed up for a service that would have helped with keyword research, if I’d used it, at a discounted price.

And I realize I’m not using it, so I just cancelled it. No beating up on myself, just let it go. Moving on to the next thing to catch my attention, and giving that 100%, or more, until something else comes along.

So it’s one of those things where my word of the year (uoıʇɐɹǝpoɯ) no longer really defines what I’m doing, and instead I’ve just given the word a new meaning in my head. Instead of “the avoidance of excess or extremes”, my word of the year means grace for myself, forgiveness, and the acceptance of shifting passions. In fact, it’s rather the opposite of moderation, in that I’m accepting the excess and extremes. Eight movies in two days? Okay. Because in a week, I’m not going to be able to sit through a film to save my life. Four hours and a late night on a low content book to get published on KDP? Not a problem, because in a couple days, I’m not going to have any ideas. Three videos posted three days in a row? Sure! Because there might not be anything else worth sharing for a month.

I actually might do a video on this, because this is fun stuff.

Have you ever stuck with a word of the year before? I haven’t. Do you try to avoid the squirrels that pull at your attention, or do you follow them and see where they lead?

Because I’m fucking chasing squirrels over here, and it’s a fucking 🅱🅻🅰🆂🆃.


  1. I’m not sure, but you might have just described ADHD. Where it’s *all the enthusiasm* and then none.

    I have seen you do the 150k in a month, and then you didn’t want to write. And kind of lost the love of nano.

    I wonder if there’s a support type thing that could help you stick with a moderation? Would accountability help? Making sure you not only reached your goal, but also didn’t overdo?

    I wonder how much I do this? I know I have, in the past, made BIG PLANS TO DO ALL THE THINGS, and sometimes burned out pretty quick. Or I decide I want to do the things, but I don’t set up any kind of “how to do all things and still have time to not burn out.” Like if I want to do an hour of CAT, it means I have to not do an hour of something else. I don’t get an extra hour in the day to CAT. I have to decide what will be cut, and my body has to agree. Maybe that’s also moderation? Accepting there are only 24 hours a day and only using those but without compromising self care? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

    Fun thoughts while I’m not really awake.


    1. Nicki says:

      Happy not-quite-awake-ness. 💖


  2. I love it! I look at your m.o.d.e.r.a.t.i.o.n concept with respect to your extremes as maybe moderating your guilt over changing course. (For the record, I don’t think you should feel guilty at all, but I know you have a tendency to.)

    I love your content whether it comes every day, every few days, or sporadically!


    1. Nicki says:

      So very sporadically… (ty!) 💖


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