Oh, hello!

The use of exclamation point in the title of this post may imply that the author is doing better than they actually are.

Or not. Right now, actually, I feel okay. I am doing laundry, which means I am not in the house with most of the issues that have been causing considerable stress. This either means I’m really good at compartmentalizing, or there’s something wrong with me that I’m able to “turn off” my stress/anxiety/depression when I’m not around the triggers for it.

Meh. Something along those lines.

So, how are you? Taking care of yourself? I hope so. Maybe doing laundry is that for me. I’m not sure. At the very least, as I mentioned, I’m not facing the consequences of my stressors, because they are in another location, or I haven’t been forced to look at them closely (that will happen tomorrow night with one of them, unfortunately). So I’m calm-ish, able to get some perspective (no one is dead, or currently in the hospital, and we are together – we will be okay), and I have a little time for me.

Currently, time for me includes working through my four journals (bullet journal planner, Start Today journal with gratitudes and goals, shared journal, and personal journal/occasional YouTube planner), watching a Minecraft Twitch stream, thinking about meditating and filming when this is over (not at the same time), and planning a book recommendation list to add to this blog. That’s kind of the plan for the day, actually. I have a couple hours left before laundry will be done, so I may get quite a bit of it accomplished.

My friend pointed out something in the comments that I’m really embracing right now. After ranting about “niche” for a bit (I probably very nearly have that rant out of my system), my friend pointed out that

I don’t know what I’m doing
and you can’t stop me

really is my niche right now.

I love that. I love that so hard. Because yeah, with the establishment of this blog, after having so many others, I did kind of sort out that I will write about whatever I want to write about, whenever I want to do it, because ultimately this has to be for me before it will ever be for anyone else. In fact, it may only ever be for me in terms of I may never gain a huge following. Will I allow it to survive that long? I sincerely hope so, but it’s hard to tell.

And that is going to be my niche on YouTube, too. Another friend told me her advisor told her to just make the videos right now, that her niche will reveal itself with time. And yes! That, too, I love. Because while right now I’m just going to Do The Thing, at some point I could narrow things down and things could really have a definitive theme. Or a different theme, I suppose. It’s okay to change.

it’s okay to change.

I need to remember that. Change is normal. Change is life. Nothing is static, and getting comfortable with change is going to change (ha-ha) my life in a good way. Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is good.

Hard, maybe, but good.

So I don’t have to be the person I am now in 5 years, or 5 months, or 5 days (although that last one seems drastic).


I may have gotten off track today.

That’s all right.

I love me anyway.

I hope you have a great day today.

And if you aren’t having a great day, I hope you have an okay day.

And if you aren’t having an okay day, I hope tomorrow is better.



  1. I don’t know what I’m doing and you can’t stop me…
    Normally you remind me of a female version of my husband, but with that quote you sound like Renee. ๐Ÿ’– (Read: I love you not only because I love you, but also because you remind me so much of the other people I love too!)

    The mind can sometimes silence the bad stuff for a bit while you do something else. For me, it’s usually a game with goals I can achieve quickly. (In Civilization, my goal is to build this thing and conquer this area. In Sims it’s to earn these skills and finish that thing. Whatever.) (This is also why I prefer games where I set the goals and pace over games where I have to do whatever the planned storyline is.)


    I miss you. Nearly two months since I saw you in person. ๐Ÿ˜ฟ (Haven’t petted a cat since December, so ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿ˜ฟ that’s for Fluffybutts who I miss without even meeting.)


    1. Nicki says:

      I miss you too.


  2. Yay! I’m glad that you have come to terms with some of that. ๐Ÿ™‚ It is okay to change, and no one is going to stop you! โค


    1. Nicki says:

      Maybe the person I’m telling most is myself? Because ultimately I’m the one who always stops me from doing the things I’m enjoying. There’s no way around that little truth. ๐Ÿ™‚


  3. It’s nice to think about not having to be the same person in a few days, weeks, months, or years that you are today. There are science sites that list how long each part of the body “lasts,” like how long you’ve actually had your current layer of skin and whatnot. So if you’ve had hell in your past, eventually you are in a body that wasn’t there. The mind remembers, yeah, but the physical skin you’re in wasn’t there. It never touched this you. I don’t know, the thing I read phrased it better.


    1. Nicki says:

      Ooh, youโ€™re right. I forgot about that new body thing. Thatโ€™s a nice thought. ๐Ÿ’–


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