That’s it. It’s supposed to rain all day so I got up early to take a walk with my youngest, but it was too chilly for them so we came back early. Part of me wants to go back out, but I’m eating lunch and I don’t think a big walk right after stuffing my gob would be a great idea. I can practically feel the cramps now.
Last night I watched the last Star Wars film on Disney+. I am not a Star Wars snob, I just like me some flashy big screen eye candy, so I enjoyed this film. Although Rose got shafted, I would like to say that. No spoilers otherwise, because I do know people get wound up about that. I guess I’ll just vaguely state that they handled Carrie Fisher’s stuff well, I really appreciated how they handled Rey and Ben’s relationship (I totally picked up those vibes in the previous film, and I’m glad they gave folks like me what we were hoping for), and…that’s about it. I had started watching the series again from Episode I and I think I got to Episode IV, so I would like to finish watching the entire thing, especially the last three, one more time before I stop paying attention to Star Wars again. I’ll get there.
I am ridiculously stressed out right now with Things. Super anxious, super stressed, super sad. It’s amplified by my period, and probably the gloomy weather outside. Both of those things will pass, and I think within the next couple weeks things will normalize for me and I’ll start to be able to manage things without taking personal offense to random comments probably not directed at me. For the time being, though, I will probably continue to cull my alternate Facebook account of all posts ever because that one thing I posted innocently the other day and everyone kept posting things like, “Jesus fuck, can’t we be fucking positive anymore? This depression is getting old!” And, y’know, maybe they were making a general statement about the general mood on Facebook, but it sure felt like they were making a specific statement about my choice of poop emoji background to, “We’re alive – how are you?”
I’m fucking depressed! Maybe not clinically, but maybe so, and overall, my mood is fucking lower than usual! I have two major issues right now that are fucking depressing! I am stressed out trying to stay focused on my day job and trying to pretend like everything is okay! Just let me be pissy for a bit. For fuck’s sake.
So you can see that I’m taking that a little personally, I suppose.
Let’s see, what else?
I would like to film again today. We’ll see if I have the patience for that. I would like to write fiction today. We’ll see if I have the creativity for that. I would like to make it through the afternoon and not participate in the group alcohol consumption on video chat with my day job (the video chat is fine, but I don’t want to drink with them, is what I’m getting at). We’ll see if I have the self control for that.
I hope you’re having a good day.
And if you’re not having a good day, I hope you’re having an okay day.
And if you’re not having an okay day, I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.
Don’t you love when the weather matches your mood? There’s something a bit cathartic about it. Hopefully today’s a sunnier day, in more ways than one.