Late to bed, early to rise…wait, no.

I went to bed very late last night in an attempt to get a video recorded, edited, and at least uploaded if not also posted. But then there was a blip with the Internet, and I had to start the upload again, and wah, wah, wah.

At any rate, this morning, I was woken very early by my youngest, and it was necessary for me to stay awake instead of just greeting them, finding out if they just intended to sleep downstairs, and then go back to sleep.

So I am quite tired.

But I did get the video uploaded and posted on Patreon (oh, hey! I post my videos there a day early, if you’re interested) before 6 am. and I have been saying lately that I want to wake up early, and so I did get my wish on that count.

Be careful what you wish for.

The chaos ensues in our home in ever increasing amounts. Sorry, not sorry that I can’t share more, but suffice to say that I am stress-filled and on the verge of tears on a whim. I’ve made several phone calls and not gotten much day job work done, but I have done a little, and I got an offer for time off if I need it. It’s a nice offer, but I know that’s not feasible. I’ll just keep doing what I can do, and if there’s something time-sensitive that I can’t manage because of appointments or other pressing family matters, I know that I can pass them off to a coworker and things will keep rolling.

The working from home is in my favor in this manner. If I weren’t working from home, I would need to take time off to handle some of this. Since I am, I can make and take the phone calls when I need to, and if I have to leave for something, I can leave for something.

For as long as I am employed by my current employer, I will be grateful for their understanding that family has to come first.

Teary. Stop it.

Like I said, I filmed last night. I learned new editing things with Adobe Premier Pro, so that was really, really nice. I think the vlog/video/whatever it was turned out well. (It’ll be public on YouTube tomorrow morning, as previously mentioned.) I did get a little distracted by the N word again. No, not Nicki (that’s my name) – “niche”. Stupid word. I would probably be less irritated by the word if I could feel like I have a definitive pronunciation of it.

I would love to film again today, but I think I’ll do better if I don’t force it. Kind of like here – there have been huge gaps of time between posts from time to time. Right now, I’m still thinking about my darned streak. Tomorrow, maybe I’ll forget. I’m just going to play it by ear. I still would like to do a posts about my journals, and the books I read to get to the place where I am today, which, overall, is a fairly good place most of the time. Positive mental space and all that.

It doesn’t help that right now I’m also dealing with the emotional rollercoaster that is my menstrual cycle. TMI? Too bad. Honestly, I think we need to have more conversations about things that have been traditionally deemed squicky (periods), uncomfy (mental health), taboo (money, but that’s still a hard one for me), because if we aren’t talking about it, we don’t know that other people are possibly struggling with those things as well.

Maybe I’ll make a video about that someday. It’s hard, though, because there are things I experience as a Mom that I can’t share with everyone. I can allude, but some things are my children’s stories, or my husband’s story, and while I have a part of that, the story is ultimately not mine. So I’m still trying to figure out how to have those conversations.

Anyhoo. I hope you’re having a good day.

If you’re not having a good day, I hope you’re having an okay day.

If you’re not having an okay day, I hope tomorrow is better than today.


1 Comment

  1. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. I hope tomorrow is better (even though this is a few days old).

    I totally agree about talking about these topics. Why are we squicky about something that’s super normal and more than half the population has personal experience with? It’s crazy.


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