Good afternoon! I have not been blogging lately, and for that, I apologize. For the first half of the month, I was quite out of sorts for no reason in particular. Now that I’m back in sorts, I’m having a hard time finding the motivation.
I noticed something just now, just before I typed in the URL of this blog to compose a message. I realized that I wanted to twit something on Twitters, but I didn’t have anything Deep or Meaningful to say, or something to Stand For, or an injustice to point out. It felt like my comments about not liking to wear dress pants at work, or about how the day seems to be stretching on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
that those things were inappropriate for the platform. And then I had another notice: that I’ve been feeling that way about my blog lately, too. I don’t have anything neat to say, or insightful, or pin-worthy, or trendy, and that seems to be only my problem. Everyone else seems to be managing it fabulously.
Of course, I started blogging when they were little more than online journals. I had myself a Geocities page where I learned to code HTML, and I had myself a Greymatter blog where I learned to code websites, and the E/N website was The Thing, and then people drifted to LiveJournal, and I kind of fell behind. And now people have websites that sell things and ads, and they’re about lifestyles and they have ebooks, and side hustles, and I don’t get that kind of blogging.
I don’t have great insights about today’s injustices.
I don’t have an ebook to sell telling you how to minimize your vegan, zero-waste tiny house.
I don’t even have any new fiction these days. I’m not sure I even consider myself a writer anymore.
I can update you about my life – but not too much, because my privacy is important to me, and the privacy of my family, except once in a while I’ll forget that and overshare, or I’ll get it in my head that if people don’t share more about unmedicated, undiagnosed depression, and about living in debt, and about raising responsible children, then people like me will never find the resources they need to survive, and I’ll think I can share some of my stuff, but then it’ll just come off like Vaguebooking, and that’s just irritating.
I’m not sure why I’m here. I’m trying to figure it all out without sounding whiny or boring people with my ennui.
Ultimately, though, I need to remember that this is my space. This little blog of mine, that I have for three years, is mine, mine, mine. If I don’t have anything insightful, that’s okay. If I don’t have commentary on our political landscape, cool.
If I want to call everyone “dude” and swear and change my layout every three seconds, I can do that, because I live here.
It’s nice of you to stop by!